That Moment In Time…

It gets to a point in time where you need to stop and reassess your life, if you made the right choices, if you befriended the right people and sadly you wont always get the positive answer you want. Would you have been where you are now or further? Would you have the same things you did or not? Would you have gone through the highs you did and the lows as well? I don’t know what everyone’s response is but I sure do know mine. I’ve been living a lie, well, not exactly a literal lie but the yes, a lie, because I took almost all the wrong turns and neglected all the right ones. I lied to myself that that was the life I wanted, the ‘it’ life and so I did things and said things and became things that were never meant to be. I forgot all the promises I made to people, to myself and especially to God. I threw away the inner and true me for a person I now detest. My life I admit has never been the fairytale that every girl dreams about but then I got caught up in this life that I seemed to have no control over. I forgot how strong  I ever was, I forgot how staunch I was in my belief of Christ. I let my surroundings and the circumstances I go through define and give me an identity, an identity whose foundation was a lie. I became so caught up in wanting to fit in and forgot that I will never fit into anyone’s life but mine. I forgot that I will never be any other person’s life story but my own. I shifted my gaze and lost track of everything, everything honest and true. My life wasn’t my own anymore, in fact it was everyone’s but mine, everyone and everything stumbled upon it leaving a bit of this and that to reshape me even more. I became a puppet in my own skin. See I would love to change it all. I’d love to turn back and erase as I rewrite, but that’s like hoping to touch the sun. I’m just a girl, a young woman who made mistakes and got hurt but she remains the most beautiful and strong person I have ever known in depths. I come out stronger wanting to face my tomorrow and live a life that only pleases God.

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