The power within you

New Year, fresh start, new beginnings.

I’m meant to feel happy and excited, I mean aren’t we all? And I am. I’m happy and excited and I hope you are as well, because we have another shot at life. But am so ENRAGED! I am mad, upset and devastated! I am all that and more because of the state that I am in, that we are all in. and I don’t know if I’m the only one, I hope I’m not the only one.

We’ve been fed by false beliefs. And we live by them every single day. We’re told that this is ‘our’ year, forgive me but, haha! It’s all a ridiculous joke! They said last year was ‘ours’, that the year before was ‘ours’ and we gave didn’t we? We gave in the hope of achieving something that at the end of the day we didn’t end up achieving and as we stayed in our lane we watched them accomplish theirs. They’ve fixated these crazy ideas in our heads and made us feel like it is our obligation as believers to constantly suffer and remain deeply rooted in pain and misery, that these are tough times. But haven’t they been tough for years already now? Isn’t it eating you up already?

Don’t get me wrong, not everything they’ve said is false. What I’m trying to say is you don’t need anyone’s approval so that a Year can be ‘yours’. You don’t need anyone to tell you when to claim something and when not to claim it. No one has the power to determine your future and how it’s going to be and that’s what they’ll never tell you. YOU have the power within you to make every single day of your life ‘yours’, to make it what you want it to be. You don’t have to wait for the first day of the year to acknowledge that you have the power and then after forget all about it.

You alone can create your future because that power has been instilled in you by the great I AM. He said faith without action is dead and I’ll tell you this for a fact, a battle faced on your knees needs more than just your knees. Get up and go get what you what, make a move on it. THINK it, BELIEVE it, FEEL it and it shall be yours. Many of us have perished because of lack of knowledge but I’m telling you what they’ll never tell you. YOU can create your tomorrow and in the same way, your forever, and once you understand that, then you shall forever be in control.

Be as curious as a little child.

Question what they tell you.

Don’t blindly believe and follow.

Claim back what has always been yours and that’s the power within you.

Make every day of your life, ‘YOURS’, and not just the first day of the year.

 

 

 

Not Just But a Fantasy

We all want to be free, ride through life free of worries. Meet someone that will sweep us off our feet and forever be in love with the same person. We crave so badly to sleep at night and not wake up at odd hours thinking about a bad tomorrow. For everyone or at least most people this is a fantasy and it’s remained just that, a  fantasy;

I believed in the perfect life. It was a clear picture painted in my mind and engraved in my heart. No one could possibly have changed it, or at least I thought. I believed that life, sadly, was not meant for everyone and only the blessed few could experience this intense perfection. I stayed in ‘my place’ where people like me were meant to be. A place where happiness was just but a thought, a place where the world rejected you and you were more or less invisible and of no importance.

I believed and knew in my heart that this picture I had would forever remain that. My life was never going to be what I envisioned it to be and so I lived everyday not looking forward to the next because after all I saw no worth in it until this one day, I remember it like it was just a moment ago, I met him. Him who taught me that life is what you make it, that no one but me had the power to bring this picture I had to life… He taught me that it was never really about what the world thought or what material wealth I had. He was the true definition of a hopeless romantic, something I believed a dark skinned girl like me would never experience. He was perfection in itself. And in him was the happiness I knew to be just but a thought.

I discovered my worth and let go of all the false beliefs…

It doesn’t have to be just but a fantasy. The power is within you.

The Dust Wind

​This a story

A story you’ve heard before 

Of a girl so broken

But she got better

She was doing fine

Happiness grew on her

It grew so deep she felt like a dream

She was the best she could ever be

And it’s no secret

I started to love her

So deeply I was afraid to lose her

So deeply I didn’t notice 

She was slowly slipping again 

I was so caught up

Blinded by the passing wind

I forgot about the dust that settles

She came up to me one night

She told me she was hurting 

That she was feeling so alone 

That her world was breaking again

That she was feeling forgotten 

I didn’t know what to say

How to face her

Tears forming in my eyes 

I tried to hide it

But I guess I was weaker

And she was stronger

I held her tight in my arms

And I couldn’t help it but cry

But she whispered something in my ear

Something that made stronger

She said, 

“The wind will come again, 

The dust will soon be blown away.”

No Sense

When things don’t seem to make sense
And all I want is acceptance
I search for the pillar of silence
Where I can be me
As I listen to the sound of the breeze
Watching the clouds above me form patterns
And eventually the stars forming constellations

When things don’t seem to make sense
And all I want is an answer
I look for words
That will calm the storm in me
So for a minute I can live in the moment
Feel free like the birds of the air
And pretend that all is well

When things don’t seem to make sense
And all I want is peace
I run to the highest of mountains
Where everything looks smaller
So my troubles can fade away
Allowing my heart to rest
And my soul to find grace

When things don’t seem to make sense
I find a way,
To feel okay.

Flawed Perfection

Today I thought,

What if I could reach the constellations?

And feel the stars?

It got me scared,

Because I was afraid of being disappointed,

Then I thought,

That maybe there was no need,

To feel afraid and scared

Because the constellations have never looked more beautiful,

And tonight I’m convinced,

That if I touched the stars

They would feel just like you made me feel,

A sense of belonging,

Flawed perfection.

BREATH

Breath

Immerse yourself in a world if your own

Breath

It is clear that being here makes you want to leave

So breath

Hang on to a life of a promise if eternity

Breath

I don’t know how to put my words to convince you

That I will never be good enough to make you leave

Please promise me

Promise me that you will keep breathing

The knife only takes away

It will not give you peace

The pills only make you worse

If only you’d see

See what I see

See the light in my eyes

Breath

Let loose your soul that you may be found in Him

Close your eyes for a minute

And picture the life you dream of

A life that is only found if you keep on breathing

So breath

 

Era of Deceit

I was hoping you’d fight

Fight for a life with me

But I guess I was wrong

You were never the type to fight

We became close

And my emotions were filled with delight

But only too soon

Did you drift away

So around me I began to build

Walls that I swore were indestructible

Then yet again you came along

And I forgot the person in you that caused me pain

I thought to myself maybe,

Maybe we could be

So I demolished the walls around me

And I began to build hope

Hope that only lasted too soon

Because yet again you drifted away

This time I would call myself insane

For believing in a lie I thought was truth

Was it that I was blind?

Or was it that you were born in the era of deceit?

 

I Am

I am bitter sweet

I wonder if you understand

I hear echos from a world that knows no existence

I see shadows of people who mystify

I want nothing but a sense of belonging

 

I am bitter sweet

I pretend to be fine by wearing a forged smile

I feel the warmth of an embrace from he I see not

I touch the wind but it slips from my hand

I worry if you will ever understand

I cry because you do not understand

 

I am bitter sweet

I understand that you are trying to find yourself

I say in you I see strength

I dream of a life full of imperfections because I know they make me perfect

I try and believe that one day you will see it too

I hope that before then you won’t give up

 

I am bitter sweet

Would you believe me?

You were, you are amazing

You made feel safe when I felt alone

You knew just how to keep me happy

Everyday felt bearable with you in it

I don’t know if it was wrong

To feel the way I felt

But would you believe me?

If I said it was true.

 

You were, you are amazing

And my heart breaks

Knowing that I’ve lost you

But I never really had you

So I don’t understand

Why it hurts so bad

But would you believe me?

If I said it was true.

 

Last Sunday, we spoke

I told you all there was to say

Because I wasn’t ready

To make a mistake I swore not to

But you were, you are amazing

Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling broken

Like I’m falling back into slavery

My thoughts you fill with worry

 

Would you believe me?

If I said it was true.

Would you believe me?

If I said I was hurting.

Would you believe me?

If I said I cried for the hurt I caused you.

 

Just an year 2

He messed my entire life, he killed the only hope of me that ever existed and now I feel maimed because I cannot feel love like before. He played me and took me for a fool. He told me that he loved me, he promised to never leave me. Ironic how he’s the one who pushed me away. He said, “For the longest time now I’ve wanted you to move on, but you keep staying.” But finally I was the one looking at the picture because I was no longer in the frame, he was in it now. It was like a blind man gaining sight bit by bit. I began to see how badly I was doing. My life was intertwined with his and he created in me whatever he pleased. I had no power over myself, I was simply a puppet. Now I realize that that wasn’t love that he had for me after all, it was obsession. He said that he was scared to lose me but then his words I trusted not after he betrayed me. He went behind my back but each time faithfully came back to tell me how sorry he was, how much of a mistake it was, how each time for the first time his heart was not in it, how he had zero desire and zero passion. Each time I broke down and felt deceived and broken but I was not strong enough to walk away and so I forgave him. Him that played me God knows how many times. I got worse by the day, my health kept deteriorating. Often I’d feel an intense pain in my chest and I would run out of breath. Months of routine, weeks of pain, days of sadness, hours of doubt until I finally did it. I was tired of living like a prisoner and so I walked away… further each time he tried to win me back…